[Soulmates. It was something straight out of a fairytale. The idea that someone was fated to be one with you was probably an enchanting thought to many. That there was someone that was meant to be with you. Tattoos that sprung to life when you finally met them.
Yoo Joonghyuk had accepted that he would walk a solitary path long ago. If being a regressor didn't put him on that path, then the lack of ever having a soulmate was the nail on the coffin. He never had one. Never been born with one. It's said that a tattoo appeared when the person you're fated to love was born or that you were born with it if your partner already existed in the world. The tattoo represented them in some form.
He never had one though. Not through his first regression and not through his second regression. It's not like he needed some magic ink on his skin to tell him who to end up with. While Lee Seolhwa had a tattoo; finding your fated in the midst of the scenarios was impossible. That's assuming they didn't die even. Their romance was...nice. He didn't regret it (regretting his actions would drive him insane), but there's something empty feeling about it. It didn't feel right. The second regression ended in failure though, so it didn't matter. He regressed and moved forward.
The familiar subway car with the same people and the clock ticking closer to the moment hell would break loose. Nothing has changed. Yet, everything had somehow changed. He idly bides his time and freezes as he sees something new. He would have almost missed it if he didn't make a proper onceover himself. It was like someone had dumped freezing, cold water on him leaving him completely breathless. On the inside of his wrist was something new. It was a closed book surrounded by jagged shapes and feathers. Sparks? He isn't quite sure, but he imagines that it will be more obvious with color. Right now it was black and dormant. Fear and anxiety weren't rare emotions, but there was something else now. Hope? No, no. He couldn't fall into such an idea. He can't hope. Can't care. Just because he had one suddenly didn't mean anything. If he had a soulmate, then why did they decide to appear now? Where had they been previous regressions? He refused to let such a thing cloud his mind. They would likely die. He was doomed to walking a path on his own. Things would go wrong and he would regress. Rinse and repeat. There was no reason to get attached.
The first scenario goes by like a blur and he barely registers what's happening until he tries to get into the next subway car. He must get Kim Namwoon and Lee Hyungsung as usual. Yoo Joonghyuk is taken by surprise when he finds that no one alive is there when he manages to get into it. His eyes narrow and he looks at the open subway door that had been forced open. He follows of course. What was happening? How was this happening? Who was changing this regression already? How? Nothing should have changed.
All his questions seem to be answered soon enough. This man...He looks at a man who is too thin and looks unremarkable in everyway. How? How could such a man survive? Kim Namwoon is dead. Already, one companion he couldn't save. He pretends it doesn't taste like ash in his mouth.
It's a taste he would have preferred than when he grabs the unknown salaryman by the throat and lifts him up. His jaw goes slack slightly and his eyes widen as he watches the tattoo on his right wrist come alive. Mesmerized. The book opens up and starts flipping through pages and sends the ebony feathers into a flurry across his skin. From his wrist and up his arm, disappearing under the sleeves of his coat, bleeds into midnight hues reminiscent of the night sky. The jagged shapes? They twinkle like gold. They were stars.
He snaps his gaze back at the man in front of him. This man? This was his soulmate?]
[I can't trust him. This isn't right. He's an anomaly. He killed Kim Namwoon. He's dangerous.]
I'll be asking questions and you'll be answering them. Who are you?
[He must learn more. He must know more about this man and how he's already shifting this regression off a path from the first two.]
[The idea of soulmates had always seemed romantic to Kim Dokja. A person you'd spend your whole life searching for, and someone who would fill your life with meaning and happiness once you found them. He'd occasionally read stories about soulmates, and he'd always felt for their characters as they expressed their longing for someone they didn't even know. They talked about an emptiness, a void inside of them, and he'd always been able to empathise with that feeling. And so he'd celebrated with them when they finally met that person, the moment to make all their suffering worth it. He'd shared their joy. They'd fought for it and they'd earned it.
But another part of him always thought it was a bit of a cop-out. These characters never worked to deserve that love - once they found it, it was theirs. And in some ways, it seemed a bit too easy to him. What if they fought? What if they were too different to get along? If everyone in these stories had soulmates, then what if your soulmate was a terrible person, and you were doomed to love them anyway? For someone like him, who had never dated anyone, it could seem like a dream to be able to just bump into someone at the supermarket and have them declare their love for you, but he wasn't naïve enough to think something like that could be real.
He'd commented a few times in the idea of soulmates in Ways of Survival. He'd asked the author why there was a soulmate system when the protagonist didn't have one. Why couldn't someone like Lee Seolhwa be his soulmate? He'd once suggested that she become his soulmate in a later regression, that Yuu Joonghyuk's death somehow finally unlocked it. Or maybe his soulmate was on a different world, and his tattoo would only appear once he travelled there. The idea of his soulmate not being born yet was one he'd thrown aside without ever bringing it up, because the age difference would be too much of a problem. But there were ways to include one, even in later chapters.
So he knew that soulmates existed in Ways of Survival, but when he suddenly found himself caught up in the story, it was the last thing on his mind. His first priority was survival, and he found himself almost detached from the deaths around him as he came up with strategies to get himself and the others out of the train car alive. He blamed it on adrenaline, because he knew that could affect people like that in emergencies, and he'd never considered himself a cold person. But before he knew it, Kim Namwoon was dead, and they were out of the car... And then he was alone, fighting zombies.
But he wasn't worried. It was time for him to arrive.
As much as he dreaded this moment, knowing what a psychopath the protagonist of Ways of Survival was, he found himself excited for it, too. He'd spent so much time reading about him. Ten years of his life he'd dedicated to the story of this man. He'd wanted to be him, as much as he'd hated him, because that ruthlessness might have helped Kim Dokja do more with his life. He'd admired him. He'd wanted to yell at him. And now finally he'd get to confront him... If he'd even survive their meeting long enough to get to say anything at all.
Those are the thoughts going through his head as he sees the zombies start to fall. Only one person would be able to defeat them all so efficiently this early in the story. It's him, and Kim Dokja tries to see between the zombies to catch a glimpse of the man.
Of course that bastard is as handsome as he was described to be.
He's tall, too, he notes, mainly by the fact that those long legs have already caught up with him. Kim Dokja doesn't even have time to react before he's suddenly grabbed, and immediately he's struggling to breathe. He reaches up instinctively to grab the arm of the man holding him, trying futilely to pry him off. He activates Character List, waiting for the information to be summarized... There's already so many different skills, and already at a high level. He already knew which skills he'd have, but it was different experiencing the effect of those high stats in person. He can feel his panic rising.
There's no way I can go up against this person.
He's so caught up in his own analysis that it takes him a moment to parse the words actually being spoken to him.]
What? --
I'm Kim Dokja.
[He squeezes the words out past though his throat feels like it's being crushed. He doesn't notice the flash of colors from the tattoo on Yuu Joonghyuk's wrist, because the angle is all wrong. He doesn't notice something similar happen underneath the cuff of his own shirt. He's focused on breathing, trying not to think about the high drop behind him, and the fact that this psychopath wouldn't hesitate to kill him.
He can't die here. Not when the story has barely begun.]
[The name rolls off his tongue like honey. It's sweet and addicting. It isn't so surprising. He had gone through his entire life and a few regressions without ever knowing the pull of a soulmate. He heard enough from others and he knew things on an intellectual level, but Yoo Joonghyuk didn't know what it truly felt like. He didn't know that empty feeling until just a moment ago. He did know what it was like to find them though. Like a part of him was found. To feel his heart beating again even though he thought that he was slowly losing that feeling with each regression. To yearn. To want.
He hates it. How easy it is to get drunk on it. Yoo Joonghyuk was right. This man was dangerous. There's no way he can let this man stay alive. How easy it would be for them to control him or to be used as a weakness.
Somehow, the latter enrages him more than the former.
He knows all this, yet, he is hesitating. Information. He'll get information first then get rid of the other.]
What happened to Kim Namwoon? Did you kill him?
[He loosens his grip just slightly. Just enough that the other doesn't really have to worry about running out of air. It isn't anywhere close enough to destroying his grip. Kim Dokja wouldn't be able to break his grip even if he tried.
He doesn't keep his gaze on the other. At least not entirely. The regressor gets distracted sometimes by the midnight sky that peaks out from his sleeve. The way that starlight twinkles on his skin.
Yoo Joonghyuk has a want. A need. His burning curiosity overrides whatever smarter plan not to reveal anything. He doesn't think the smaller man realizes yet. That isn't the look of someone who knows that they're fated to be together.
He ignores the idea that he might already be too weak to kill them. Refuses to acknowledge such weakness.
[Hearing Yuu Joonghyuk say his name feels strange. Despite the terror of the moment, his heart skips a beat, like he'd been waiting for it for a long time. It's ridiculous... This bastard might be someone whose life Kim Dokja has been following, but he wouldn't exactly call himself starstruck. He's a shitty protagonist, after all.
He makes himself focus on the moment instead. At any point, Yuu Joonghyuk could throw him off the edge of the bridge, and let him be devoured by the monsters below. He has to play this right. He has to find the right words to convince him to let him live.]
No. He failed to kill anyone.
[The grip might be lighter, but the words are still a bit strained. And he knows that won't be enough. After all, Kim Namwoon should have easily cleared the first scenario. He was the most bloodthirsty person in there, and he should have been the first to successfully kill someone. That old woman was dead now anyway. Kim Dokja hadn't saved her, so when he caused Kim Namwoon's death, he couldn't say it had been for a good cause. He wanted a moment to collect his thoughts for the best way to explain it, to convince this bastard, but if he hesitated here it would definitely seem like he was holding something back.
He tried--
[He had barely started to speak when Yuu Joonghyuk followed it up with that strange demand.][It took him a second to even understand what he meant. The demand really was out of nowhere. He tried to remember anything from Ways of Survival that had to do with wrists, but he couldn't come up with anything. After a second, he stopped trying to pry Yuu Joonghyuk's hand off him - it wasn't working anyway - and started to unbutton his cuffs. The left first, which revealed nothing when he pushed it back. Then the right, which also--
Which revealed something.
Kim Dokja's eyes went wide as he took in the tattoo. It was moving across his forearm, a spinning hourglass with blood red sand, patterns of dark binary code wrapping around and drowning out faint stars. He lifted his arm higher to look at the various patterns.]
[THE FOURTH WALL IS SHAKING]
[The message went ignored. He didn't know what it meant, and he didn't have time to worry about it, not when--]
What --
[No, it couldn't be real. It wasn't real. This was insane. This was Yuu Joonghyk]
There’s no way that guy could fail to kill anyone.
[At least not without something to prevent him to kill them. He had spent two regressions with cultivating Kim Namwoon as a companion. He knew how the other teenager was like. He knew that kid’s bloodlust. Unless he was prevented from a kill; there was no way they could be stopped. Kim Namwoon was someone who adapted quickly to the merciless scenarios and thrived in them.]
[He’s withholding information from me. There’s more to this than just what he’s saying.]
[He’ll have to ask about Lee Hyunsung. He didn’t see their corpse anywhere, so surely the man was alive. He only knew about Kim Namwoon because the noticeable zombie that was wearing a uniform with white hair was easy to identifiable.
He had to make sure Lee Hyunsung didn’t die too. Lee Jihye shouldn’t be an anomaly since the actions on the subway shouldn’t affect her.
That wasn’t important right this moment though. He looked at Kim Dokja’s wrist with a complicated expression. There was obvious anger and frustration in his eyes, but there was a softness to them was rare for the regressor. There was longing. A feeling that had buried itself deeply into his bones that he hid away from everyone and himself so that he could keep going forward.
He wanted to touch that tattoo. It was obviously his. From the obvious motifs as a regressor to the symbolism as a pro gamer reigning as surprise king to his need to take down the stars above them. This man, without mistake, was his soulmate.
Yoo Joonghyuk refused to let himself give in. Couldn’t. He can’t get distracted.]
Who are you really, Kim Dokja? Why should I let you live?
[Obviously bring his soulmate didn’t mean anything. Or at least, Yoo Joonghyuk was determined to not let it be used to convince him.]
[Yoo Joonghyuk had changed topics, but Kim Dokja was still stuck on the tattoo. The idea of a soulmate was ridiculous. About as ridiculous as suddenly being part of the story he'd been reading for the past ten years... No, even more so. That a reader like him could have a soulmate at all, let alone be the soulmate of the protagonist, was preposterous. He'd never even been on a date, and Yoo Joonghyuk could have anyone he wanted, despite his shitty personality.
But it was real, and the tattoo was there.
He wanted to say something about it... They had to decide what to do about it, now that it was there. But first they needed to clear this bridge, and the clock was ticking. They needed to be two people. It was an easy solution.
But this bastard didn't like to make anything easy, did he.]
He could fail if the person he was trying to kill was me.
[It was sort of the truth. He hadn't been Kim Namwoon's first target, but they'd fought. His expression was daring Yoo Joonghyk to claim it was impossible. But even now, his brain was still running.
This bastard seriously wanted to kill him now? He shouldn't be surprised. After all, he knew him better than everyone. Yoo Joonghyuk was barely human anymore, after everything that had happened during his last two regressions. He probably didn't even want a soulmate. Or if he did, he'd want it to be someone like Lee Seolhwa, not a random stranger like Kim Dokja. He knew he didn't look very impressive.
Well, it wasn't like he'd wanted a soulmate like Yoo Joonghyk, either.
Fine. He'd play the cards that he had. He'd make this bastard keep him alive. He'd even become his companion. He knew everything about this world, after all]
You should keep me alive because I can help you, Yoo Joonghyk.
[He used his name deliberately. He lowered his arm again, pulled his sleeve back up, though he fumbled the button to fasten the cuff properly so it immediately slid back again as he let go.]
You need help with the 46th scenario. I can help you clear it.
[The exclusive skill The Fourth Wall has offset some of the pain.]
[The exclusive skill The Fourth Wall has offset some of the pain.]
[The exclusive skill The Fourth Wall has offset some of the pain.]
[The message flashes in front of his eyes several times, but being burned alive is still more painful than he could have imagined, painful enough to make him want to scream. But the flames are hot enough to turn him to dust, and he doesn't have any vocal cords to scream with.]
[The exclusive skill The Fourth Wall has offset some of the mental trauma.]
[It had been part of his plan, but this particular scenario was still one he wished he could have avoided. At least this Fourth Wall, whatever it was, seemed to be protecting him a little. Kim Dokja stood up, still feeling phantom pain in his limbs, waiting to be revived.
But then a message popped up saying there was a delay.
He barely had time to be annoyed before suddenly Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint was being activated against his will, and his consciousness was being transported. He was back at Chungmuro station, watching the team he'd left behind to protect it. There was nothing he could do as they were attacked, as Gong Pildu tried to hold off the attackers, who were clearly prepared for his skill. He was helpless as everyone fought the attackers, and as one of the attackers threw a destructive mana bomb. He felt his anger rising, hands clenched into tight fists. But he wasn't there. He didn't have a body.]
[The Exclusive Skill The Fourth Wall is faintly trembling.]
[He wanted to destroy them. To show this kind of violence against Lee Jihye, who was just a child... He found he couldn't bring himself to think of her as just a character now.]
[Due to excessive immersion, some effects of The Fourth Wall have been suppressed.]
[Due to excessive immersion, the skill level of Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint has sharply increased.]
[The messages came one right after the other, giving Kim Dokja no time to wonder what they meant. He felt dizzy.]
[Perspective has been changed to first person.]
[What was going on? How did it suddenly feel like he was there? Why was his body walking forwards, and how could he feel his steps hitting the ground when he had no body at all?]
[There was a lot of complicated thoughts going through Yoo Joonghyuk's mind as of late. From seeing Kim Dokja alive to the man even surviving the Green Zones after he had all but was willing (was he though?) to let the man die from the waves of monsters to the moment in the Theatre Dungeon.
Just who was Kim Dokja to him?
He finds he doesn't know the answer to that.
It's putting him in a foul mood. He shouldn't be letting that man get under his skin, but he finds that he can't shake the other and the longer he contemplates the more he realizes he doesn't want that anyways. Soulmates really were a cumbersome thing weren't they?
It's really just unfortunate timing for everyone involved. The attack on the station couldn't have been at a worse time. It's only moments before that the regressor feels the world crumble around him. Why was he feeling a sudden ache in his chest? A loss that can't be replaced. It's with those feelings that he has to watch in horror as the stars on his forearm to lose their twinkle and for that book to close as though the story it was reading was over. The night sky ebbed away just leaving the normal tone of his flesh.
He didn't need to know the details to know what happened.]
[He...
Kim Dokja. He's dead.]
[Something about it makes his mind snap.
It's right then that the attack on Chungmuro Station happens. It really was an awful day, wasn't it? His soulmate was dead before he could properly parse what he wanted and Lee Jihye was looking at him so pitifully. She, of all people, should never look like that. Not by these weaklings.
He's glad he has a way to vent his anger.
Yoo Joonghyuk slices the arm holding Lee Jihye cleanly off the man before slamming the man's head into the ground with his bare hand. The regressor was unkind, but he wasn't known to be someone who messed around. Yet, he wanted to make sure they suffered just a little bit this time. The timing was too coincidental for him to think of it as just chance. Whatever happened that killed his soulmate had to do with these people.
They would suffer.
He ignores the cries of pains as he lifts the man up and crushes that head in his hand.]
How foolish. [He tosses the lifeless corpse to the side before checking on his student.] It was foolish of you guys to come here.
[The other four Apostles must be shocked and questioning who this man could be. He scoffs.] I am Yoo Joonghyuk. I hope you're prepared to die.
Kim Dokja figured it out before Yoo Joonghyuk announced his name. There was only one person who could move like this. There was only one person who could inspire that kind of fear in others. Although something felt off, something about the way the man was fighting. Yoo Joonghyk was ruthless, but he didn't waste time, and now it seemed like he wanted these people to feel pain and suffer.
Kim Dokja couldn't say he minded when the head of the man who had been hurting Lee Jihye was crushed. He'd wanted to do something similar. Maybe his own emotional state was affecting Yoo Joonghyk somehow.
Was this because they were soulmates?
And then he was ripped away from the scene again, leaving him even more confused and dizzy. He didn't want to go. He was reaching back out for Yoo Joonghyk.]
[You have been resurrected from death. Regeneration of your body has begun.]
[And then he was back where he started, naked, and feeling painfully empty inside. He gasped for breath, pushing onto all fours, but the sudden, intense feeling that this was all meaningless made him want to collapse back down immediately. He looked at his arm, where the tattoo was faded.
Oh.
So dying did that. It made sense.
Somehow he got through the fight. Somehow he managed to win. But the victory felt hollow now. He tried to tell himself it didn't matter. They might be soulmates, but nothing would have happened, and it might be better to lose that bond. They both had other problems to focus on.]
[The Fourth Wall is shaking violently.]
[Somehow, he made it back to Chungmuro, without alerting the others to his mood. He'd just won an impossible fight, though thankfully they all knew there was no time to celebrate. He could blame it on the next emergency, up ahead. He had to make sure they were all alive at the station, at least.]
[Chungmuro station was surprisingly quiet and calm by the time Kim Dokja and his group return. People who are conscious are tending to each other or those that are worse off. Everyone looks worn out, but no one seemed to be really badly off now. The only thing that felt off was just how pale everyone was. Like they witnessed something particularly gruesome.
It's not hard to figure out why though.
Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't currently present, but one can find the lifeless bodies of four Apostles and their heads lined up. Could you even call the bodies of those people bodies anymore? It looked like Yoo Joonghyuk didn't spare them any mercy this time around and even the state of the heads weren't perfect.
The regressor was a monster at times, but this wasn't like him at all.
No one gets to really ponder about Yoo Joonghyuk's handiwork though because steps can be heard echoing down the tunnel. The tall man emerges from the darkness dragging a lifeless body before throwing one more head over to the others.
It would be rather comical. The deer in headlights expression that actually graces the regressor's face as he stops and sees Kim Dokja. Of course he hadn't expected it. The man had surely died, yet they were standing right there right as rain.]
[How?]
[Mostly everyone's attention isn't on him though, but at the head he had tossed as it started talking to Kim Dokja. At the very least, he can regain his bearings a bit while this happens. He can ignore the slight tremor in his hand.]
[Kim Dokja didn't spend much time looking at the bodies on the train tracks. He could tell that this was unusually violent, but maybe it was just different to see something in person compared to having it described in a book. He didn't want to dwell on it too much. He should get used to this kind of violence, anyway.
In a way, he already was, and that was a disturbing thought as well.
It was impossible to miss Yoo Joonghyk's arrival. Even if that protagonist hadn't decided to make an entrance, Kim Dokja suspected his attention would have been drawn to him. Absently, he touched his right forearm, where the tattoo had faded now. He shouldn't think about it too much. He shouldn't waste any effort on this man. But he wanted to know --]
[You are suffering from high fatigue, and your exclusive skill Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint cannot be activated at this time.]
[Damn. It made sense, but it was still annoying. He really needed to increase his mana, so his skills wouldn't fail him like this. He couldn't read that man's expression.
Unfortunately his attention was drawn away almost immediately. He kept glancing at Yoo Joonghyk, though, even as he talked to the decapitated head. This apostle -- this so called revelator -- probably needed his full attention. He was definitely a threat. But the aura of that regressor next to him kept drawing him in.
The self-proclaimed revelator said: Let's join hands, Yoo Joonghyk, and Kim Dokja felt a combination of panic and anger rising up in his throat. The revelator kept talking, and for once he didn't know what to say, he just turned to look at Yoo Joonghyk, not sure what he was expecting to see, but hoping that by now he had at least proved himself to be reliable.]
[He seemed almost disinterested in the entire back and forth between Kim Dokja and the head of the Apostle. He activated Lie Detection either way, but he cared very little for whatever they were talking about. He listened because information was information, but all he found was that this entire thing was cumbersome. There were even more anomalies in this turn apparently.
His comments are brisk and short and he activates Sage's Eye to at least confirm the disembodied head's attribute window.
Yoo Joonghyuk clicks his tongue before taking some steps forward. He places one foot on the head while also pointing his sword at Kim Dokja's neck.
Prophets. Revelators. How annoying.] Just like that guy... [He mutters to himself before speaking up.]
You say you know the future, right? These revelations. They tell you what my next actions will be, will they? This should be easy then.
[He stops looking at the head for a moment and turns to look at Kim Dokja.] Will I kill this guy now or will I let him live? [It's as though they're back at the bridge, but the situation is somehow completely different.
Yoo Joonghyuk's voice and tone. His expression. They were different.
Maybe the smaller man would notice, but no one around them would, so it's an easy decision on Yoo Joonghyuk's part. When the Apostle says he'll kill Kim Dokja; he merely smashes the head in.
Yoo Joonghyuk had made a decision as soon as he felt the other die and saw them alive again.]
[I will treasure what I have.]
[It angers him a little. To accept that he had been tied down to such a fate he never even considered. It had already been decided for him when that tattoo first came alive. This was a man that he could not give up. No matter how angry or annoyed he felt; he knew that it didn't even touch the agony of loss he was still feeling.
Yoo Joonghyuk sheathes his sword.] In the end, they were just a loudmouth.
[The last some hours have been particularly embarrassing for the regressor.
He had gone ahead and taken over a station and started his path to become one of the Kings to aim for the throne. He had other reasons to not stick with Kim Dokja. In every regression, he had to make sure he went and picked up Yoo Mia. His sister was his world and even his soulmate might have to accept that Yoo Mia held priority in many aspects.
When he found that his sister wasn't where she should be, he became enraged. Of course he knew who could have changed this too and even if Kim Dokja was his soulmate, the man flew into a murderous rage when he couldn't locate his sister.
He almost really considered killing the man, but didn't get the chance after slaying a huge chunk of 'Kings' and forcing them into the final battle for the throne. And then...
Well, he hadn't expected the other to burn his coins as he did and deck him like he did.
Yoo Joonghyuk isn't in a great mood when he wakes up. Things have changed so much. He isn't sure where his sister is (he doesn't think she's dead at least) and he lost the throne to his soulmate. All he can do is compromise and change his plans moving forward.
He curses himself a little. He let his emotions get the better of him. This wasn't like him at all, but still he...]
Kuh-
[He drags his sluggish body through the ruins of Seoul before finally collapsing. He had really hoped. Handling things through talking wasn't his forte at all nor was it something he normally did. But he still had hoped. Just a little part of him had wanted it and that was enough for him to try.
He hears talking around him, but he can't really tell who's talking. If they're hostile, then this would be trouble, but he can't do anything about it. All he can do is grit out some words before he falls unconscious.] Kim Dokja. Where is Kim Dokja?
[The timing of this is more than suspicious. He'd just been talking about Yoo Joonghyk with Han Sooyoong, and now here he was, passed out in front of him. Kim Dokja isn't sure if he should be relieved or annoyed, because he's pretty sure that soulmates or not, after everything, Yoo Joonghyk probably wants him dead. Or at the very least, he wants to return that punch, and with interest.
It's also a reminder of his own failures. He's failed to learn the Way of the Wind, and here Yoo Joonghyk is, the man who could easily learn it in five minutes. Could have learned it, if he had the talisman, but that was no longer an option as long as he was alive. Kim Dokja might have doomed them all now, since apparently he's left them with no way of fighting the Disaster of Questions.
Those are the thoughts that pass through his head, but he still immediately crouches down next to Yoo Joonghyuk, looking him over to see how badly he's hurt. Those injuries - Did he cause those?
He feels his heart in his throat for a moment at the thought that he'd hurt his soulmate this badly. This bastard could take more of a beating than that, dammit. But those feelings were welling up in spite of everything, in spite of the fact that he knew that Yoo Joonghyk could handle it. He didn't like seeing him like this. And --
Maybe he'd missed him.]
Yoo Joonghyk, you bastard, you --
[When Yoo Joonghyuk opens his eyes, his expression scares him enough to jump backwards, making him fall on his ass.]
We fought fair and square, you know! You don't get to be a sore loser.
[He hesitates, and then activates Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint, to find out what this bastard is thinking.]
[He can't help but be incredibly pissed. It isn't like he hasn't forgotten everything that had happened recently and maybe he was still pretty mad about...well, just about everything at the moment.
He has to reign his temper in though. There was much at stake and right now it was important to relay information to the other immediately. He opens his mouth but no amount of words come out. His body was suffering too much. This would be an issue, but he had been toying the idea for a little bit...
This man knew him so well and it felt as though the other seemed to know what he was thinking at times. Perhaps-]
[Kim Dokja.]
[The other. They could hear his thoughts right?]
[You can hear this, right? Something must be done immediately. This world...
[He can't tell if the other was hearing him and their lack of reaction was troublesome. Perhaps he was wrong.]
[Kim Dokja had to fight back his reaction as Yoo Joonghyk's thoughts called him out directly. So this bastard was figuring it out? Maybe he had made it a bit too obvious during the theater dungeon, but it was still a problem. If Yoo Joonghyk knew, he'd be more guarded, maybe try to gain a skill to block it, and besides that, he couldn't risk Han Sooyoong figuring it out. He made sure to keep his expression unreadable.
But this definitely seemed like more than an injury from being punched. He activated Character List next, confirming that Yoo Joonghyk had been poisoned. Then he quickly bought several items from the dokkaebi bag.
He ignored Han Sooyoong as he started to work, mixing together several ingredients in a pot. It smelled terrible, and it looked even worse, but that didn't matter right now. He worked quickly, heating up the mixture, while Yoo Joonghyk lay motionless next to him.
For some reason he kept being donated a lot of coins.]
You better not have come all this way just to kill me.
[He moved close to lift Yoo Joonghyk's head up, allowing him to feed him the medicine, one spoonful at a time. At the same time Han Sooyoong made a comment comparing him to a wife, and he -- He tried his best to ignore it, but touching Yoo Joonghyk again felt impossibly good. He didn't want to give that away. He didn't want her to know that he was this man's soulmate. The more secrets he could keep, the better.
He offered to let her do it, but he had no intention of letting her even if she said yes.
Once Yoo Joonghyk opened his eyes again, he activated midday tryst.]
[Honestly, he could barely register what was happening around him. There was only a hint of a foul taste in his mouth, but it was easily ignored. Yoo Joonghyuk was distracted by the warmth that seeped in while they touched. It was a comforting feeling and it grounded him in ways that nothing else could.
He would like to lean into the feeling, but his body was completely immobilized. At least he could enjoy it and gain comfort while his body suffered.
Eyes fluttering open; he has his attention on the other.
If only they could afford idle chit chat and enjoying the company of each other.]
You need to go East immediately.
[What he wanted was unimportant.]
The 'Disaster of Questions' is about to awaken. Someone is trying to awaken them all.
[Kim Dokja doesn't want to admit to his disappointment when the first words Yoo Joonghyk says to him are an order to leave. He feels his stomach dropping, and he hates it, like he'd been hoping for something else. It makes sense for this bastard to be focused on the job in front of him anyway, even if they still have time to --
Oh.
Who would be stupid enough to awaken the disasters?]
How long will it take before you can walk?
[He'll get straight to business too. This is better, actually. He wouldn't know what to say otherwise. But he can't leave Yoo Joonghyk behind, so he'll have to wait for him to improve at least a little.]
[This scenario takes a lot longer to settle than it should have. Kim Dokja is finding it hard to care about the rewards at this point, except as a matter of principle. He knows it will come in useful, but what would have been more useful would have been for that damn dokkaebi to not force Shin Yoosung to attack them all. At least the dokkaebi is taken care of, and Kim Dokja has a plan, even if it involves going to the Underworld. The risk is worth it, for her sake. He manages to get a quick word in with Yoo Sangah to ask for a favor. Already his mind is on moving forward, the next steps.
But there is one more person whose actions he needs to take into account. There is a person who could easily get in the way of his plans. And it's not like he hasn't been thinking about him, because he has, every day since he left him with Lee Seolhwa. But the two of them never get more than five minutes together, so he's still not sure how he should act here. He's not sure if Yoo Joonghyk is still mad at him about what happened with the Disaster of Questions or his sister. He did announce to everyone that Kim Dokja is his soulmate, but he'd also thought he was dead, so it barely counts as a sign of forgiveness.
Although he should have known that Kim Dokja has King of No Killing.
He sees Yoo Joonghyk looking at him, and immediately he can feel that pull, drawing him towards him. His tattoo is faded again. That heavy feeling of life being pointless is back, which he's been fighting since his resurrection. They need to touch. Right?
Either way, he'd like a chance to talk to him.
Kim Dokja makes a gesture for Yoo Joonghyk to follow, and then tries to break away from the group of people to find somewhere more private. A little bit of distance should be enough, especially since he knows he doesn't have much time before Yoo Joonghyk catches up with him with that impatient walk of his. He stops and turns back once he can hear footsteps getting close.]
-- I'm sorry the scenario ended the way it did.
[He's not talking about his own death, he's talking about Shin Yoosung, and he says it like he's the one carrying the responsibility for it. He couldn't have changed it, but he'd wanted to try. He'd wanted to make a difference for both Shin Yoosung and for Yoo Joonghyk. At least he'd convinced her to stop fighting, before that dokkaebi had forced her hand.]
[To say that Yoo Joonghyuk's current mental state was a mess was an understatement. No, it was an absolute hellscape right this moment. The only thing he could do was push forward during the Scenario was in full swing. Adrenaline was the only thing that kept the man moving forward.
Again, that man had ripped his heart out of his chest. At this point, he started to guess that it wouldn't be the last time.
He follows the other almost like a robot just going through the motion. As the adrenaline coursing through him fades; he feels the exhaustion really start to settle in his bones and his self restraint fray. And then the other turns and speaks and he feels anger flare in his already exhausted body.
Yoo Joonghyuk grabs that too thin wrist and yanks the other towards him so that he can wrap his arms around them.]
I told you not to do unnecessary things. [His voice comes out hoarse. Broken.] You can't save everyone, Kim Dokja. [It was said by a man who had been forced to accept such a thing after failing to protect those he loved more than once.
He buries his face in the crook of Kim Dokja's neck. He has never been particularly fond of PDA and he wasn't very good about it either, but he can't find himself to care. The warmth that seeps into his skin and the feeling of the hole in his chest subsiding is all he can focus on. His mind is still stuck on repeat. All he can think about was the pitiful form of Kim Dokja as he was dying after protecting him. He could only see how the light in the man's eyes leave him and the feeling that came with it.
How? How could they ask him to do something like kill him?
Yoo Joonghyuk was a steady pillar. A beacon for many. Yet, there's a slight tremor in his hands and his exhale shakes as though the man is threatening to crumble. To most, it wouldn't be noticeable.] Why are you apologizing about that?
[That's not the apology I want to hear.]
[He doesn't know how to make the other man understand.] Kim Dokja. Your love is cruel. [It was his fate to forever feel loss. With every regression, he had to relive the same introductions and to bring the same people together over and over. Somehow, he isn't surprised that he would somehow have to experience such feelings even with his soulmate. Apparently, he too, had to continuously feel the pain of losing his soulmate over and over again.
Even Yoo Joonghyuk didn't realize the toll it was taking on his deteriorating mind.]
[Kim Dokja finds himself leaning into Yoo Joonghyuk's strong body as he's pulled closer. Normally he'd be horrified, because while they did gain some distance, there are still people around. There are still people watching. But the immediate warmth that fills him as their bond is reconfirmed makes him forget all of that, and he finds that he can finally properly breathe.
He'd like to just stay like this. He doesn't feel like arguing, which he knows will happen if he tries to explain himself. He starts to anyway - he's gathering his thoughts, trying to find the best angle, and he's about ready to say something when Yoo Joonghyk throws out that last accusation. The words hit worse than a punch.]
I'm cruel?
[Love? He supposes that's what soulmates feel, but it's too much of an abstract term to him. He's surprised that Yoo Joonghyk is the one who says it so easily.]
It's cruel to try to help you?
[He's a little bit angry at the accusation, but mostly he's lost. He really doesn't know how to do this. They have to keep fighting the scenarios, and what he did was the best option, and it worked out. It's no reason to be angry with him.]
There's a difference between saving everyone and saving no one. You might be a cynical bastard, but I want to try.
[He pulls away because he has to stare at the other incredulously. Yoo Joonghyuk can feel his temper flaring, but he's still terribly patient with the other. Still, it was obvious that the taller man was mad.]
Do you think you're helping me? Is that what you really think? [The man manages not to raise his voice.] Kim Dokja. Consider for a moment since you can't seem to get it through your damn head. What do you think your soulmate would do if it were someone else and not me? [Could the other reasonably think that his soulmate wouldn't have gone insane after the first death? The second?
Could the other reasonably think that anyone else could endure every loss like the regressor had? And that's still not taking into account Yoo Joonghyuk's state of mind and how weak his mental barriers were because of the accumulation of trauma he forces through.] Do you think they would still be in their right of mind after watching you die as you did?
[Why won't this man understand? Why doesn't he understand how precious he is to him.]
Is that what you think of me? [It wasn't as though Kim Dokja wasn't completely wrong, but something about it hurt coming from the other. If only the other was reminded that this wasn't the Yoo Joonghyuk of the novel and still the third turn Yoo Joonghuk.] Do you- [He grits his teeth.] Do you think I haven't tried? Do you honestly think I want them to die? [When he had told him to kill Lee Seolhwa it was because adverting the destruction of the dome had preceded his personal feelings about her. It was no different with Shin Yoosung.
Almost no one else would mourn their deaths nor would those deaths weigh heavy on them like it would on Yoo Joonghyuk, who had to accept the loss of his companions for the sake of this regression because he was too weak. Always too weak.]
[He tries to consider it. When Yoo Joonghyk tells him to, he does his best to put himself in those shoes. To imagine what it would be like to lose a soulmate. It's the pride of a reader to be able to understand other people's emotions, so he's quiet for a moment now, looking at it from his angle.
In the stories he's read about soulmates, losing a soulmate is described as being as painful as dying yourself. It's like your own heart simply disappears from your chest. In a lot of cases, the person who lost their soulmate can't even go on living themselves. Life loses all meaning, so they fade away.
He felt a bit of that while their bond was broken. But he'd known Yoo Joonghyk was alive.]
[Your exclusive skill The Fourth Wall is shaking.]
[He doesn't want to think about actually losing Yoo Joonghyk. This bastard might regress at any time, if things get difficult. And he has no idea what will happen to him then, if this world will disappear with his regression, or if he'll have to go on without his soulmate.]
[Your exclusive skill The Fourth Wall is shaking.]
[He doesn't know if he will appear in Yoo Joonghyk's next regression, or if Yoo Joonghyk will be without a soulmate all over again. It's no wonder this man loses his humanity, and starts simply killing every obstacle in his way.
But he's not there yet. It hits him suddenly: Yoo Joonghyk isn't there yet. He's saying all this with so much feeling, in a way that the Yoo Joonghyk of the later regressions never would. He'd tried to talk to Lee Seolhwa. He'd tried to talk to Shin Yoosung. He's not the psychopath that Kim Dokja has been thinking of him as. He's staring a bit in disbelief now, before his brain catches up again.]
I didn't know if you'd survive if her attack hit you. I knew I'd be resurrected with King of No Killing.
[Maybe asking Yoo Joonghyk to kill him had been a bit extreme... But he'd been dying anyway, and he wanted Yoo Joonghyk to win.]
[Your exclusive skill The Fourth Wall is shaking.]
[He breathes out.]
I know you tried. I know you don't want them to die. That's why I wanted to help. And I did it for Shin Yoosung, too.
[And he's not done helping her, but he has a feeling it would be a bad idea to say so now.]
[He lets out an exasperated sigh. Some of that anger seems to ebb out of him. He's tired.]
I don't know that. [It wasn't as though he had forgotten that the other could come back to life, but it wasn't as though he wanted to rely on it either. There might be a time where it might not be ready to activate. That Kim Dokja might die and stay dead. He can't pretend that it isn't a risk that can occur.] I can't assume that you'll come back everytime.
[There's always the risk of dying. The Scenarios are too cruel to let them get through without some loss. It's inevitable and Yoo Joonghyuk has to steel his heart if he wants to weather through and keep going.] I've...watched enough people die already. [It's a surprisingly vulnerable statement from the regressor.] Is it too much to ask for you to try and keep living too?
[I'm too weak. I can't protect my companions much less my soulmate. I have to get stronger. Strong enough that he won't sacrifice himself anymore.]
[His brows furrow.]
I'll destroy it. I'll get my revenge. [They both knew that Yoo Joonghyuk had no intention of letting the events of the Fifth Scenario be nothing more than just a drama. That he won't let her suffering be in vain.
That was something the protagonist could promise. It was like the man was created to contend against the Scenarios. Like his life was built to fight.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Soulmate AU
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Yoo Joonghyuk had accepted that he would walk a solitary path long ago. If being a regressor didn't put him on that path, then the lack of ever having a soulmate was the nail on the coffin. He never had one. Never been born with one. It's said that a tattoo appeared when the person you're fated to love was born or that you were born with it if your partner already existed in the world. The tattoo represented them in some form.
He never had one though. Not through his first regression and not through his second regression. It's not like he needed some magic ink on his skin to tell him who to end up with. While Lee Seolhwa had a tattoo; finding your fated in the midst of the scenarios was impossible. That's assuming they didn't die even. Their romance was...nice. He didn't regret it (regretting his actions would drive him insane), but there's something empty feeling about it. It didn't feel right. The second regression ended in failure though, so it didn't matter. He regressed and moved forward.
The familiar subway car with the same people and the clock ticking closer to the moment hell would break loose. Nothing has changed. Yet, everything had somehow changed. He idly bides his time and freezes as he sees something new. He would have almost missed it if he didn't make a proper onceover himself. It was like someone had dumped freezing, cold water on him leaving him completely breathless. On the inside of his wrist was something new. It was a closed book surrounded by jagged shapes and feathers. Sparks? He isn't quite sure, but he imagines that it will be more obvious with color. Right now it was black and dormant. Fear and anxiety weren't rare emotions, but there was something else now. Hope? No, no. He couldn't fall into such an idea. He can't hope. Can't care. Just because he had one suddenly didn't mean anything. If he had a soulmate, then why did they decide to appear now? Where had they been previous regressions? He refused to let such a thing cloud his mind. They would likely die. He was doomed to walking a path on his own. Things would go wrong and he would regress. Rinse and repeat. There was no reason to get attached.
The first scenario goes by like a blur and he barely registers what's happening until he tries to get into the next subway car. He must get Kim Namwoon and Lee Hyungsung as usual. Yoo Joonghyuk is taken by surprise when he finds that no one alive is there when he manages to get into it. His eyes narrow and he looks at the open subway door that had been forced open. He follows of course. What was happening? How was this happening? Who was changing this regression already? How? Nothing should have changed.
All his questions seem to be answered soon enough. This man...He looks at a man who is too thin and looks unremarkable in everyway. How? How could such a man survive? Kim Namwoon is dead. Already, one companion he couldn't save. He pretends it doesn't taste like ash in his mouth.
It's a taste he would have preferred than when he grabs the unknown salaryman by the throat and lifts him up. His jaw goes slack slightly and his eyes widen as he watches the tattoo on his right wrist come alive. Mesmerized. The book opens up and starts flipping through pages and sends the ebony feathers into a flurry across his skin. From his wrist and up his arm, disappearing under the sleeves of his coat, bleeds into midnight hues reminiscent of the night sky. The jagged shapes? They twinkle like gold. They were stars.
He snaps his gaze back at the man in front of him. This man? This was his soulmate?]
[I can't trust him. This isn't right. He's an anomaly. He killed Kim Namwoon. He's dangerous.]
I'll be asking questions and you'll be answering them. Who are you?
[He must learn more. He must know more about this man and how he's already shifting this regression off a path from the first two.]
What happened to Kim Namwoon?
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But another part of him always thought it was a bit of a cop-out. These characters never worked to deserve that love - once they found it, it was theirs. And in some ways, it seemed a bit too easy to him. What if they fought? What if they were too different to get along? If everyone in these stories had soulmates, then what if your soulmate was a terrible person, and you were doomed to love them anyway? For someone like him, who had never dated anyone, it could seem like a dream to be able to just bump into someone at the supermarket and have them declare their love for you, but he wasn't naïve enough to think something like that could be real.
He'd commented a few times in the idea of soulmates in Ways of Survival. He'd asked the author why there was a soulmate system when the protagonist didn't have one. Why couldn't someone like Lee Seolhwa be his soulmate? He'd once suggested that she become his soulmate in a later regression, that Yuu Joonghyuk's death somehow finally unlocked it. Or maybe his soulmate was on a different world, and his tattoo would only appear once he travelled there. The idea of his soulmate not being born yet was one he'd thrown aside without ever bringing it up, because the age difference would be too much of a problem. But there were ways to include one, even in later chapters.
So he knew that soulmates existed in Ways of Survival, but when he suddenly found himself caught up in the story, it was the last thing on his mind. His first priority was survival, and he found himself almost detached from the deaths around him as he came up with strategies to get himself and the others out of the train car alive. He blamed it on adrenaline, because he knew that could affect people like that in emergencies, and he'd never considered himself a cold person. But before he knew it, Kim Namwoon was dead, and they were out of the car... And then he was alone, fighting zombies.
But he wasn't worried. It was time for him to arrive.
As much as he dreaded this moment, knowing what a psychopath the protagonist of Ways of Survival was, he found himself excited for it, too. He'd spent so much time reading about him. Ten years of his life he'd dedicated to the story of this man. He'd wanted to be him, as much as he'd hated him, because that ruthlessness might have helped Kim Dokja do more with his life. He'd admired him. He'd wanted to yell at him. And now finally he'd get to confront him... If he'd even survive their meeting long enough to get to say anything at all.
Those are the thoughts going through his head as he sees the zombies start to fall. Only one person would be able to defeat them all so efficiently this early in the story. It's him, and Kim Dokja tries to see between the zombies to catch a glimpse of the man.
Of course that bastard is as handsome as he was described to be.
He's tall, too, he notes, mainly by the fact that those long legs have already caught up with him. Kim Dokja doesn't even have time to react before he's suddenly grabbed, and immediately he's struggling to breathe. He reaches up instinctively to grab the arm of the man holding him, trying futilely to pry him off. He activates Character List, waiting for the information to be summarized... There's already so many different skills, and already at a high level. He already knew which skills he'd have, but it was different experiencing the effect of those high stats in person. He can feel his panic rising.
There's no way I can go up against this person.
He's so caught up in his own analysis that it takes him a moment to parse the words actually being spoken to him.]
What? --
I'm Kim Dokja.
[He squeezes the words out past though his throat feels like it's being crushed. He doesn't notice the flash of colors from the tattoo on Yuu Joonghyuk's wrist, because the angle is all wrong. He doesn't notice something similar happen underneath the cuff of his own shirt. He's focused on breathing, trying not to think about the high drop behind him, and the fact that this psychopath wouldn't hesitate to kill him.
He can't die here. Not when the story has barely begun.]
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[The name rolls off his tongue like honey. It's sweet and addicting. It isn't so surprising. He had gone through his entire life and a few regressions without ever knowing the pull of a soulmate. He heard enough from others and he knew things on an intellectual level, but Yoo Joonghyuk didn't know what it truly felt like. He didn't know that empty feeling until just a moment ago. He did know what it was like to find them though. Like a part of him was found. To feel his heart beating again even though he thought that he was slowly losing that feeling with each regression. To yearn. To want.
He hates it. How easy it is to get drunk on it. Yoo Joonghyuk was right. This man was dangerous. There's no way he can let this man stay alive. How easy it would be for them to control him or to be used as a weakness.
Somehow, the latter enrages him more than the former.
He knows all this, yet, he is hesitating. Information. He'll get information first then get rid of the other.]
What happened to Kim Namwoon? Did you kill him?
[He loosens his grip just slightly. Just enough that the other doesn't really have to worry about running out of air. It isn't anywhere close enough to destroying his grip. Kim Dokja wouldn't be able to break his grip even if he tried.
He doesn't keep his gaze on the other. At least not entirely. The regressor gets distracted sometimes by the midnight sky that peaks out from his sleeve. The way that starlight twinkles on his skin.
Yoo Joonghyuk has a want. A need. His burning curiosity overrides whatever smarter plan not to reveal anything. He doesn't think the smaller man realizes yet. That isn't the look of someone who knows that they're fated to be together.
He ignores the idea that he might already be too weak to kill them. Refuses to acknowledge such weakness.
But-]
Show me your wrists.
[He wants to see it.]
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He makes himself focus on the moment instead. At any point, Yuu Joonghyuk could throw him off the edge of the bridge, and let him be devoured by the monsters below. He has to play this right. He has to find the right words to convince him to let him live.]
No. He failed to kill anyone.
[The grip might be lighter, but the words are still a bit strained. And he knows that won't be enough. After all, Kim Namwoon should have easily cleared the first scenario. He was the most bloodthirsty person in there, and he should have been the first to successfully kill someone. That old woman was dead now anyway. Kim Dokja hadn't saved her, so when he caused Kim Namwoon's death, he couldn't say it had been for a good cause. He wanted a moment to collect his thoughts for the best way to explain it, to convince this bastard, but if he hesitated here it would definitely seem like he was holding something back.
He tried--
[He had barely started to speak when Yuu Joonghyuk followed it up with that strange demand.][It took him a second to even understand what he meant. The demand really was out of nowhere. He tried to remember anything from Ways of Survival that had to do with wrists, but he couldn't come up with anything. After a second, he stopped trying to pry Yuu Joonghyuk's hand off him - it wasn't working anyway - and started to unbutton his cuffs. The left first, which revealed nothing when he pushed it back. Then the right, which also--
Which revealed something.
Kim Dokja's eyes went wide as he took in the tattoo. It was moving across his forearm, a spinning hourglass with blood red sand, patterns of dark binary code wrapping around and drowning out faint stars. He lifted his arm higher to look at the various patterns.]
[THE FOURTH WALL IS SHAKING]
[The message went ignored. He didn't know what it meant, and he didn't have time to worry about it, not when--]
What --
[No, it couldn't be real. It wasn't real. This was insane. This was Yuu Joonghyk]
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[At least not without something to prevent him to kill them. He had spent two regressions with cultivating Kim Namwoon as a companion. He knew how the other teenager was like. He knew that kid’s bloodlust. Unless he was prevented from a kill; there was no way they could be stopped. Kim Namwoon was someone who adapted quickly to the merciless scenarios and thrived in them.]
[He’s withholding information from me. There’s more to this than just what he’s saying.]
[He’ll have to ask about Lee Hyunsung. He didn’t see their corpse anywhere, so surely the man was alive. He only knew about Kim Namwoon because the noticeable zombie that was wearing a uniform with white hair was easy to identifiable.
He had to make sure Lee Hyunsung didn’t die too. Lee Jihye shouldn’t be an anomaly since the actions on the subway shouldn’t affect her.
That wasn’t important right this moment though. He looked at Kim Dokja’s wrist with a complicated expression. There was obvious anger and frustration in his eyes, but there was a softness to them was rare for the regressor. There was longing. A feeling that had buried itself deeply into his bones that he hid away from everyone and himself so that he could keep going forward.
He wanted to touch that tattoo. It was obviously his. From the obvious motifs as a regressor to the symbolism as a pro gamer reigning as surprise king to his need to take down the stars above them. This man, without mistake, was his soulmate.
Yoo Joonghyuk refused to let himself give in. Couldn’t. He can’t get distracted.]
Who are you really, Kim Dokja? Why should I let you live?
[Obviously bring his soulmate didn’t mean anything. Or at least, Yoo Joonghyuk was determined to not let it be used to convince him.]
Give me a good reason to let you live.
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But it was real, and the tattoo was there.
He wanted to say something about it... They had to decide what to do about it, now that it was there. But first they needed to clear this bridge, and the clock was ticking. They needed to be two people. It was an easy solution.
But this bastard didn't like to make anything easy, did he.]
He could fail if the person he was trying to kill was me.
[It was sort of the truth. He hadn't been Kim Namwoon's first target, but they'd fought. His expression was daring Yoo Joonghyk to claim it was impossible. But even now, his brain was still running.
This bastard seriously wanted to kill him now? He shouldn't be surprised. After all, he knew him better than everyone. Yoo Joonghyuk was barely human anymore, after everything that had happened during his last two regressions. He probably didn't even want a soulmate. Or if he did, he'd want it to be someone like Lee Seolhwa, not a random stranger like Kim Dokja. He knew he didn't look very impressive.
Well, it wasn't like he'd wanted a soulmate like Yoo Joonghyk, either.
Fine. He'd play the cards that he had. He'd make this bastard keep him alive. He'd even become his companion. He knew everything about this world, after all]
You should keep me alive because I can help you, Yoo Joonghyk.
[He used his name deliberately. He lowered his arm again, pulled his sleeve back up, though he fumbled the button to fasten the cuff properly so it immediately slid back again as he let go.]
You need help with the 46th scenario. I can help you clear it.
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[The exclusive skill The Fourth Wall has offset some of the pain.]
[The exclusive skill The Fourth Wall has offset some of the pain.]
[The message flashes in front of his eyes several times, but being burned alive is still more painful than he could have imagined, painful enough to make him want to scream. But the flames are hot enough to turn him to dust, and he doesn't have any vocal cords to scream with.]
[The exclusive skill The Fourth Wall has offset some of the mental trauma.]
[It had been part of his plan, but this particular scenario was still one he wished he could have avoided. At least this Fourth Wall, whatever it was, seemed to be protecting him a little. Kim Dokja stood up, still feeling phantom pain in his limbs, waiting to be revived.
But then a message popped up saying there was a delay.
He barely had time to be annoyed before suddenly Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint was being activated against his will, and his consciousness was being transported. He was back at Chungmuro station, watching the team he'd left behind to protect it. There was nothing he could do as they were attacked, as Gong Pildu tried to hold off the attackers, who were clearly prepared for his skill. He was helpless as everyone fought the attackers, and as one of the attackers threw a destructive mana bomb. He felt his anger rising, hands clenched into tight fists. But he wasn't there. He didn't have a body.]
[The Exclusive Skill The Fourth Wall is faintly trembling.]
[He wanted to destroy them. To show this kind of violence against Lee Jihye, who was just a child... He found he couldn't bring himself to think of her as just a character now.]
[Due to excessive immersion, some effects of The Fourth Wall have been suppressed.]
[Due to excessive immersion, the skill level of Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint has sharply increased.]
[The messages came one right after the other, giving Kim Dokja no time to wonder what they meant. He felt dizzy.]
[Perspective has been changed to first person.]
[What was going on? How did it suddenly feel like he was there? Why was his body walking forwards, and how could he feel his steps hitting the ground when he had no body at all?]
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Just who was Kim Dokja to him?
He finds he doesn't know the answer to that.
It's putting him in a foul mood. He shouldn't be letting that man get under his skin, but he finds that he can't shake the other and the longer he contemplates the more he realizes he doesn't want that anyways. Soulmates really were a cumbersome thing weren't they?
It's really just unfortunate timing for everyone involved. The attack on the station couldn't have been at a worse time. It's only moments before that the regressor feels the world crumble around him. Why was he feeling a sudden ache in his chest? A loss that can't be replaced. It's with those feelings that he has to watch in horror as the stars on his forearm to lose their twinkle and for that book to close as though the story it was reading was over. The night sky ebbed away just leaving the normal tone of his flesh.
He didn't need to know the details to know what happened.]
[He...
Kim Dokja. He's dead.]
[Something about it makes his mind snap.
It's right then that the attack on Chungmuro Station happens. It really was an awful day, wasn't it? His soulmate was dead before he could properly parse what he wanted and Lee Jihye was looking at him so pitifully. She, of all people, should never look like that. Not by these weaklings.
He's glad he has a way to vent his anger.
Yoo Joonghyuk slices the arm holding Lee Jihye cleanly off the man before slamming the man's head into the ground with his bare hand. The regressor was unkind, but he wasn't known to be someone who messed around. Yet, he wanted to make sure they suffered just a little bit this time. The timing was too coincidental for him to think of it as just chance. Whatever happened that killed his soulmate had to do with these people.
They would suffer.
He ignores the cries of pains as he lifts the man up and crushes that head in his hand.]
How foolish. [He tosses the lifeless corpse to the side before checking on his student.] It was foolish of you guys to come here.
[The other four Apostles must be shocked and questioning who this man could be. He scoffs.] I am Yoo Joonghyuk. I hope you're prepared to die.
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He really hated this.
Kim Dokja figured it out before Yoo Joonghyuk announced his name. There was only one person who could move like this. There was only one person who could inspire that kind of fear in others. Although something felt off, something about the way the man was fighting. Yoo Joonghyk was ruthless, but he didn't waste time, and now it seemed like he wanted these people to feel pain and suffer.
Kim Dokja couldn't say he minded when the head of the man who had been hurting Lee Jihye was crushed. He'd wanted to do something similar. Maybe his own emotional state was affecting Yoo Joonghyk somehow.
Was this because they were soulmates?
And then he was ripped away from the scene again, leaving him even more confused and dizzy. He didn't want to go. He was reaching back out for Yoo Joonghyk.]
[You have been resurrected from death. Regeneration of your body has begun.]
[And then he was back where he started, naked, and feeling painfully empty inside. He gasped for breath, pushing onto all fours, but the sudden, intense feeling that this was all meaningless made him want to collapse back down immediately. He looked at his arm, where the tattoo was faded.
Oh.
So dying did that. It made sense.
Somehow he got through the fight. Somehow he managed to win. But the victory felt hollow now. He tried to tell himself it didn't matter. They might be soulmates, but nothing would have happened, and it might be better to lose that bond. They both had other problems to focus on.]
[The Fourth Wall is shaking violently.]
[Somehow, he made it back to Chungmuro, without alerting the others to his mood. He'd just won an impossible fight, though thankfully they all knew there was no time to celebrate. He could blame it on the next emergency, up ahead. He had to make sure they were all alive at the station, at least.]
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It's not hard to figure out why though.
Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't currently present, but one can find the lifeless bodies of four Apostles and their heads lined up. Could you even call the bodies of those people bodies anymore? It looked like Yoo Joonghyuk didn't spare them any mercy this time around and even the state of the heads weren't perfect.
The regressor was a monster at times, but this wasn't like him at all.
No one gets to really ponder about Yoo Joonghyuk's handiwork though because steps can be heard echoing down the tunnel. The tall man emerges from the darkness dragging a lifeless body before throwing one more head over to the others.
It would be rather comical. The deer in headlights expression that actually graces the regressor's face as he stops and sees Kim Dokja. Of course he hadn't expected it. The man had surely died, yet they were standing right there right as rain.]
[How?]
[Mostly everyone's attention isn't on him though, but at the head he had tossed as it started talking to Kim Dokja. At the very least, he can regain his bearings a bit while this happens. He can ignore the slight tremor in his hand.]
[Yoo Joonghyuk has become agitated.]
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In a way, he already was, and that was a disturbing thought as well.
It was impossible to miss Yoo Joonghyk's arrival. Even if that protagonist hadn't decided to make an entrance, Kim Dokja suspected his attention would have been drawn to him. Absently, he touched his right forearm, where the tattoo had faded now. He shouldn't think about it too much. He shouldn't waste any effort on this man. But he wanted to know --]
[You are suffering from high fatigue, and your exclusive skill Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint cannot be activated at this time.]
[Damn. It made sense, but it was still annoying. He really needed to increase his mana, so his skills wouldn't fail him like this. He couldn't read that man's expression.
Unfortunately his attention was drawn away almost immediately. He kept glancing at Yoo Joonghyk, though, even as he talked to the decapitated head. This apostle -- this so called revelator -- probably needed his full attention. He was definitely a threat. But the aura of that regressor next to him kept drawing him in.
The self-proclaimed revelator said: Let's join hands, Yoo Joonghyk, and Kim Dokja felt a combination of panic and anger rising up in his throat. The revelator kept talking, and for once he didn't know what to say, he just turned to look at Yoo Joonghyk, not sure what he was expecting to see, but hoping that by now he had at least proved himself to be reliable.]
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His comments are brisk and short and he activates Sage's Eye to at least confirm the disembodied head's attribute window.
Yoo Joonghyuk clicks his tongue before taking some steps forward. He places one foot on the head while also pointing his sword at Kim Dokja's neck.
Prophets. Revelators. How annoying.] Just like that guy... [He mutters to himself before speaking up.]
You say you know the future, right? These revelations. They tell you what my next actions will be, will they? This should be easy then.
[He stops looking at the head for a moment and turns to look at Kim Dokja.] Will I kill this guy now or will I let him live? [It's as though they're back at the bridge, but the situation is somehow completely different.
Yoo Joonghyuk's voice and tone. His expression. They were different.
Maybe the smaller man would notice, but no one around them would, so it's an easy decision on Yoo Joonghyuk's part. When the Apostle says he'll kill Kim Dokja; he merely smashes the head in.
Yoo Joonghyuk had made a decision as soon as he felt the other die and saw them alive again.]
[I will treasure what I have.]
[It angers him a little. To accept that he had been tied down to such a fate he never even considered. It had already been decided for him when that tattoo first came alive. This was a man that he could not give up. No matter how angry or annoyed he felt; he knew that it didn't even touch the agony of loss he was still feeling.
Yoo Joonghyuk sheathes his sword.] In the end, they were just a loudmouth.
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He had gone ahead and taken over a station and started his path to become one of the Kings to aim for the throne. He had other reasons to not stick with Kim Dokja. In every regression, he had to make sure he went and picked up Yoo Mia. His sister was his world and even his soulmate might have to accept that Yoo Mia held priority in many aspects.
When he found that his sister wasn't where she should be, he became enraged. Of course he knew who could have changed this too and even if Kim Dokja was his soulmate, the man flew into a murderous rage when he couldn't locate his sister.
He almost really considered killing the man, but didn't get the chance after slaying a huge chunk of 'Kings' and forcing them into the final battle for the throne. And then...
Well, he hadn't expected the other to burn his coins as he did and deck him like he did.
Yoo Joonghyuk isn't in a great mood when he wakes up. Things have changed so much. He isn't sure where his sister is (he doesn't think she's dead at least) and he lost the throne to his soulmate. All he can do is compromise and change his plans moving forward.
He curses himself a little. He let his emotions get the better of him. This wasn't like him at all, but still he...]
Kuh-
[He drags his sluggish body through the ruins of Seoul before finally collapsing. He had really hoped. Handling things through talking wasn't his forte at all nor was it something he normally did. But he still had hoped. Just a little part of him had wanted it and that was enough for him to try.
He hears talking around him, but he can't really tell who's talking. If they're hostile, then this would be trouble, but he can't do anything about it. All he can do is grit out some words before he falls unconscious.] Kim Dokja. Where is Kim Dokja?
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It's also a reminder of his own failures. He's failed to learn the Way of the Wind, and here Yoo Joonghyk is, the man who could easily learn it in five minutes. Could have learned it, if he had the talisman, but that was no longer an option as long as he was alive. Kim Dokja might have doomed them all now, since apparently he's left them with no way of fighting the Disaster of Questions.
Those are the thoughts that pass through his head, but he still immediately crouches down next to Yoo Joonghyuk, looking him over to see how badly he's hurt. Those injuries - Did he cause those?
He feels his heart in his throat for a moment at the thought that he'd hurt his soulmate this badly. This bastard could take more of a beating than that, dammit. But those feelings were welling up in spite of everything, in spite of the fact that he knew that Yoo Joonghyk could handle it. He didn't like seeing him like this. And --
Maybe he'd missed him.]
Yoo Joonghyk, you bastard, you --
[When Yoo Joonghyuk opens his eyes, his expression scares him enough to jump backwards, making him fall on his ass.]
We fought fair and square, you know! You don't get to be a sore loser.
[He hesitates, and then activates Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint, to find out what this bastard is thinking.]
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He has to reign his temper in though. There was much at stake and right now it was important to relay information to the other immediately. He opens his mouth but no amount of words come out. His body was suffering too much. This would be an issue, but he had been toying the idea for a little bit...
This man knew him so well and it felt as though the other seemed to know what he was thinking at times. Perhaps-]
[Kim Dokja.]
[The other. They could hear his thoughts right?]
[You can hear this, right? Something must be done immediately. This world...
[He can't tell if the other was hearing him and their lack of reaction was troublesome. Perhaps he was wrong.]
[Kim Dokja...]
[His consciousness was fading again. Damn it.]
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But this definitely seemed like more than an injury from being punched. He activated Character List next, confirming that Yoo Joonghyk had been poisoned. Then he quickly bought several items from the dokkaebi bag.
He ignored Han Sooyoong as he started to work, mixing together several ingredients in a pot. It smelled terrible, and it looked even worse, but that didn't matter right now. He worked quickly, heating up the mixture, while Yoo Joonghyk lay motionless next to him.
For some reason he kept being donated a lot of coins.]
You better not have come all this way just to kill me.
[He moved close to lift Yoo Joonghyk's head up, allowing him to feed him the medicine, one spoonful at a time. At the same time Han Sooyoong made a comment comparing him to a wife, and he -- He tried his best to ignore it, but touching Yoo Joonghyk again felt impossibly good. He didn't want to give that away. He didn't want her to know that he was this man's soulmate. The more secrets he could keep, the better.
He offered to let her do it, but he had no intention of letting her even if she said yes.
Once Yoo Joonghyk opened his eyes again, he activated midday tryst.]
Hey, can you hear me?
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He would like to lean into the feeling, but his body was completely immobilized. At least he could enjoy it and gain comfort while his body suffered.
Eyes fluttering open; he has his attention on the other.
If only they could afford idle chit chat and enjoying the company of each other.]
You need to go East immediately.
[What he wanted was unimportant.]
The 'Disaster of Questions' is about to awaken. Someone is trying to awaken them all.
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Oh.
Who would be stupid enough to awaken the disasters?]
How long will it take before you can walk?
[He'll get straight to business too. This is better, actually. He wouldn't know what to say otherwise. But he can't leave Yoo Joonghyk behind, so he'll have to wait for him to improve at least a little.]
How much time do we have?
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But there is one more person whose actions he needs to take into account. There is a person who could easily get in the way of his plans. And it's not like he hasn't been thinking about him, because he has, every day since he left him with Lee Seolhwa. But the two of them never get more than five minutes together, so he's still not sure how he should act here. He's not sure if Yoo Joonghyk is still mad at him about what happened with the Disaster of Questions or his sister. He did announce to everyone that Kim Dokja is his soulmate, but he'd also thought he was dead, so it barely counts as a sign of forgiveness.
Although he should have known that Kim Dokja has King of No Killing.
He sees Yoo Joonghyk looking at him, and immediately he can feel that pull, drawing him towards him. His tattoo is faded again. That heavy feeling of life being pointless is back, which he's been fighting since his resurrection. They need to touch. Right?
Either way, he'd like a chance to talk to him.
Kim Dokja makes a gesture for Yoo Joonghyk to follow, and then tries to break away from the group of people to find somewhere more private. A little bit of distance should be enough, especially since he knows he doesn't have much time before Yoo Joonghyk catches up with him with that impatient walk of his. He stops and turns back once he can hear footsteps getting close.]
-- I'm sorry the scenario ended the way it did.
[He's not talking about his own death, he's talking about Shin Yoosung, and he says it like he's the one carrying the responsibility for it. He couldn't have changed it, but he'd wanted to try. He'd wanted to make a difference for both Shin Yoosung and for Yoo Joonghyk. At least he'd convinced her to stop fighting, before that dokkaebi had forced her hand.]
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Again, that man had ripped his heart out of his chest. At this point, he started to guess that it wouldn't be the last time.
He follows the other almost like a robot just going through the motion. As the adrenaline coursing through him fades; he feels the exhaustion really start to settle in his bones and his self restraint fray. And then the other turns and speaks and he feels anger flare in his already exhausted body.
Yoo Joonghyuk grabs that too thin wrist and yanks the other towards him so that he can wrap his arms around them.]
I told you not to do unnecessary things. [His voice comes out hoarse. Broken.] You can't save everyone, Kim Dokja. [It was said by a man who had been forced to accept such a thing after failing to protect those he loved more than once.
He buries his face in the crook of Kim Dokja's neck. He has never been particularly fond of PDA and he wasn't very good about it either, but he can't find himself to care. The warmth that seeps into his skin and the feeling of the hole in his chest subsiding is all he can focus on. His mind is still stuck on repeat. All he can think about was the pitiful form of Kim Dokja as he was dying after protecting him. He could only see how the light in the man's eyes leave him and the feeling that came with it.
How? How could they ask him to do something like kill him?
Yoo Joonghyuk was a steady pillar. A beacon for many. Yet, there's a slight tremor in his hands and his exhale shakes as though the man is threatening to crumble. To most, it wouldn't be noticeable.] Why are you apologizing about that?
[That's not the apology I want to hear.]
[He doesn't know how to make the other man understand.] Kim Dokja. Your love is cruel. [It was his fate to forever feel loss. With every regression, he had to relive the same introductions and to bring the same people together over and over. Somehow, he isn't surprised that he would somehow have to experience such feelings even with his soulmate. Apparently, he too, had to continuously feel the pain of losing his soulmate over and over again.
Even Yoo Joonghyuk didn't realize the toll it was taking on his deteriorating mind.]
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He'd like to just stay like this. He doesn't feel like arguing, which he knows will happen if he tries to explain himself. He starts to anyway - he's gathering his thoughts, trying to find the best angle, and he's about ready to say something when Yoo Joonghyk throws out that last accusation. The words hit worse than a punch.]
I'm cruel?
[Love? He supposes that's what soulmates feel, but it's too much of an abstract term to him. He's surprised that Yoo Joonghyk is the one who says it so easily.]
It's cruel to try to help you?
[He's a little bit angry at the accusation, but mostly he's lost. He really doesn't know how to do this. They have to keep fighting the scenarios, and what he did was the best option, and it worked out. It's no reason to be angry with him.]
There's a difference between saving everyone and saving no one. You might be a cynical bastard, but I want to try.
[He just wants Yoo Joonghyk to have hope.]
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Do you think you're helping me? Is that what you really think? [The man manages not to raise his voice.] Kim Dokja. Consider for a moment since you can't seem to get it through your damn head. What do you think your soulmate would do if it were someone else and not me? [Could the other reasonably think that his soulmate wouldn't have gone insane after the first death? The second?
Could the other reasonably think that anyone else could endure every loss like the regressor had? And that's still not taking into account Yoo Joonghyuk's state of mind and how weak his mental barriers were because of the accumulation of trauma he forces through.] Do you think they would still be in their right of mind after watching you die as you did?
[Why won't this man understand? Why doesn't he understand how precious he is to him.]
Is that what you think of me? [It wasn't as though Kim Dokja wasn't completely wrong, but something about it hurt coming from the other. If only the other was reminded that this wasn't the Yoo Joonghyuk of the novel and still the third turn Yoo Joonghuk.] Do you- [He grits his teeth.] Do you think I haven't tried? Do you honestly think I want them to die? [When he had told him to kill Lee Seolhwa it was because adverting the destruction of the dome had preceded his personal feelings about her. It was no different with Shin Yoosung.
Almost no one else would mourn their deaths nor would those deaths weigh heavy on them like it would on Yoo Joonghyuk, who had to accept the loss of his companions for the sake of this regression because he was too weak. Always too weak.]
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In the stories he's read about soulmates, losing a soulmate is described as being as painful as dying yourself. It's like your own heart simply disappears from your chest. In a lot of cases, the person who lost their soulmate can't even go on living themselves. Life loses all meaning, so they fade away.
He felt a bit of that while their bond was broken. But he'd known Yoo Joonghyk was alive.]
[Your exclusive skill The Fourth Wall is shaking.]
[He doesn't want to think about actually losing Yoo Joonghyk. This bastard might regress at any time, if things get difficult. And he has no idea what will happen to him then, if this world will disappear with his regression, or if he'll have to go on without his soulmate.]
[Your exclusive skill The Fourth Wall is shaking.]
[He doesn't know if he will appear in Yoo Joonghyk's next regression, or if Yoo Joonghyk will be without a soulmate all over again. It's no wonder this man loses his humanity, and starts simply killing every obstacle in his way.
But he's not there yet. It hits him suddenly: Yoo Joonghyk isn't there yet. He's saying all this with so much feeling, in a way that the Yoo Joonghyk of the later regressions never would. He'd tried to talk to Lee Seolhwa. He'd tried to talk to Shin Yoosung. He's not the psychopath that Kim Dokja has been thinking of him as. He's staring a bit in disbelief now, before his brain catches up again.]
I didn't know if you'd survive if her attack hit you. I knew I'd be resurrected with King of No Killing.
[Maybe asking Yoo Joonghyk to kill him had been a bit extreme... But he'd been dying anyway, and he wanted Yoo Joonghyk to win.]
[Your exclusive skill The Fourth Wall is shaking.]
[He breathes out.]
I know you tried. I know you don't want them to die. That's why I wanted to help. And I did it for Shin Yoosung, too.
[And he's not done helping her, but he has a feeling it would be a bad idea to say so now.]
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I don't know that. [It wasn't as though he had forgotten that the other could come back to life, but it wasn't as though he wanted to rely on it either. There might be a time where it might not be ready to activate. That Kim Dokja might die and stay dead. He can't pretend that it isn't a risk that can occur.] I can't assume that you'll come back everytime.
[There's always the risk of dying. The Scenarios are too cruel to let them get through without some loss. It's inevitable and Yoo Joonghyuk has to steel his heart if he wants to weather through and keep going.] I've...watched enough people die already. [It's a surprisingly vulnerable statement from the regressor.] Is it too much to ask for you to try and keep living too?
[I'm too weak. I can't protect my companions much less my soulmate. I have to get stronger. Strong enough that he won't sacrifice himself anymore.]
[His brows furrow.]
I'll destroy it. I'll get my revenge. [They both knew that Yoo Joonghyuk had no intention of letting the events of the Fifth Scenario be nothing more than just a drama. That he won't let her suffering be in vain.
That was something the protagonist could promise. It was like the man was created to contend against the Scenarios. Like his life was built to fight.]
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